Leila Rufino

To my ex lover,

I can't deny that I've had the best times with you. You knew me more than any other person — my crazy quirks, my endless secrets, my stupid routines — everything. I have poured every inch of my being to you. I have loved you with all my heart.

I'm not writing this letter because I want to hurt you. I'm writing this because this is the only way I can repair myself. This is my way of mending the wounds you left; my way of filling the empty holes that are slowly consuming me — because the pain has to stop somehow.

Do you still remember? How fearful I was to get attached to you? I think that was our first real argument. I was so scared to have something so beautiful, that suddenly, I have something to lose. And then, the inevitable came. I lost the one thing I wanted the most — I lost you.

Some people may say you were the one who lost. I was the one who ended this, right? I was the one who called it quits. In situations more than I could count, I tried to convince myself that you were the one who lost something worth-holding on to.
But to tell you the truth? We both lost.

I lost the boy that I loved. I lost the person who made me the happiest. I lost the daily messages and the sweet phone calls. I lost the forehead kisses and the routinely walk-home's. I lost the stupid movie marathons and the nightly pillow talks — and God knows how much I'll miss them.

But I also started losing the sadness that came with loving you. I started losing the self-hate and the questions that always lingered my mind: Was I not enough? Am I doing something wrong? Do you not love me anymore? I started losing the tears that came every time I thought about you. One night, it just stopped. I could not cry about you anymore. I could not keep beating myself up just because you do not see my value. I may have lost you, but I found myself in the process of doing so. So for that, I thank you.

I thank you for the broken promises, and the hurtful words. I thank you for the blatant excuses and the lies that came with them. I thank you for all the times you chose other people over me (and God knows how painful it is to be your least priority). I thank you for the inconsistency and the plans never made into action. I thank you for the days I spent locked inside my room, wondering if I did something wrong. I thank you for the heartbreak. It is indeed painful — more than I could ever put into words. But it helped me, somehow. So thank you.

I can't lie. My heart still shatters every time I'm reminded of you. Hell, I'd still tear myself apart for you in a heartbeat. But I'm slowly learning to stop. My pen would always bleed your name, that's the truth. You would always be a part of me. But someday — sooner, I hope — I'll finally be able to let you go. This letter is one step closer to moving on, and I find comfort in that.

I have loved you, maybe I still do.
But then again, the pain has to stop somehow. I always wished the best for you. But maybe the best for you does not include me — and I'm starting to learn how to live with that. I hope you do too.

Words by: Leila Rufino

Luka Seribu Rindu

Api dah menjadi bara,
Bara menjadi debu,
Mawar indah nan setangkai,
Layu dan berguguran,

Begitulah ibarat cinta,
Terjalin sementara,
Madu tak sempatku rasa manisnya,
Pahit barganti,
Terpaksa ku telan jua,

Aku bagaikan tawanan,
Di dalam perang rindu,
Asyik berganti derita,
Cinta tak kesudahan,

Mesranya tingkahmu,
Disamping dirinya,
Menambah luka di hatiku,
Senyumanmu di samping orang ketiga,
Bagaikan sembilu,
Menusuk di hatiku,

Hati ku sakit tak tertahan lagi,
Kasih,
Sudahnya begini,
Cinta murni nan sejati,

Kemanakah hala,
Yang akan ku bawa,
Hati sarat luka seribu rindu,
Dia yang menanti,
Setiaku menunggu,
Tapi kepadanya kau pergi.

*Sumber Fotograf*

16.3.2016

Seringkali aku menduga
seringkali ini terjadi segala rahsia sudah ku tahu rupanya aku tak dicintai Untuk apa kau buat ku begini segala apa yang telah ku lakukan Airmataku mengalir dipipi segala yang ku korbankan tuk dirimu Mengapa masih lagiku berdiriku menunggu cintamu mengapa masih adamu menyakiti di siang malamku aku terima cintaku dipersiakan Sayang!! aku kau lupa aku kau luka tanpa kau sedar Sayang!! selamat tinggal akukan pergi buat selamanya Aku pasti kau bahagia tanpaku SELAMANYA ... Mengapa masih lagiku berdiriku menunggu cintamu mengapa masih adamu menyakiti di siang malamku aku terima cintaku dipersiakan Sayang!! aku kau lupa aku kau luka tanpa kau sedar Sayang!! selamat tinggal akukan pergi buat selamanya Aku pasti kau bahagia tanpaku SELAMANYA ... Sayang... aku kau lupa aku kau luka tanpa kau sedar Sayang... selamat tinggal akukan pergi buat selamanya Aku pasti kau bahagia tanpaku SELAMANYA ...

(Projektor - Sudah ku tahu)

Flashback...2015..KADET SENIOR

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera semua skali..

hahahahha..

ada lagi blog ni..

dah tua2 ni rsa malas nk buka blog..

tapi rasa nak crita jgak..

nk share pengalaman..

klaw xmau baca,boleh blah ja skrang..hahahaha

dah 4th year ni bzy skit..xda masa nk crita2..

lani musim latihan kem tahunan kat PALAPES Unimap..

aq nk share la zaman aq senior (kadet) dlu..

ni masa dlm klas,xckup tidoq weh,buat peta semua bagai..serabut

mmber SMTSPPP, hujung kanan n kiri (senior), tngah kanan (ben kadet junior),tngah kiri (takara Lt Muda).

 

test power gali kubu weh..senior buat pertahanan masa zaman aq..

kena gali kubu ikot tnggi masing2..

skuad scorpion..mcm2 prangai ada dlm 1pic ni..

FASA MEDAN

Hari jadi...

IC GPMG bohh..

General purpose machine gun..bukan biasa2..berat boh nk angkat masa berundur..

nak buat kubu GP ni pon payah..

tapi proses pelajaran,kna la blajaq..

ni knangan aq masa depan t..

yg dok tngok blkng ni aq la..haha

penghabisan peluru..pumpumpum..sempoi

ada GPMG ja,xkan nk angkat mcm depa angkat M16 tu..haha..

eksyen la angkat tngan..

Skuad J,Skuad Elite,skuad mantap,tanpa depa,sapa lah aq..TQ SKOD..

tamat sudah LKT Senior 2015

masuk paper bohh..261 tu termasuk la senior,inter, junior..trima kasih smua

da abeh LKT,apa lagi..malam akrab laaa..

last malam akrab sbgai kadet..

last jmpa skod2..

ni xsyok..kena petik nyanyi ngn inter..

xtaw lirik bohh..

hahahaha..

xpaalaaa..kenangan semua ni..

minx maaf klaw da salah silap semua..

trima kasih kpd smua yg terlibat masa zaman kadet dlu..

ni tngah rajin..

tnggu la gambaq zaman pegawai muda plak..

#jgnkecamsaya #sayapisangdokrumahsorg2 #sayasukatype #maafkansaya

Hari Raya 2014

Assalamualaikum...

mcm biasa la..

ada gambaq,ada la cerita..

mcm biasa jgak..

yg xsuka,xpyah la tngok..

aq buat smua ni sbgai knagan masa hadapan nanti..

utk cucu2 aq tngok..

wakakaka..

Cuti sem 2 bulan ni mcm besa,aq xkeja...sbb MALAS..time blajaq dah keja sabtu ahad..

mcm sorg mmber aq ckp..duit dan harta boleh dicari..

tapi....cuti yg panjang bagi kadet PALAPES,sukar diganti..hahahhaha

Kat bwah ni antara kerja yg aq buat masa cuti :

  

Mengasuh budak...haha..sbnaqnya,tlong tngok2 kan ja smntara mak aq dok masak kat dapoq..

 

AMMAR FARIS

AMIR FIRDAUS

 

dua2 sibuk nak pakai perfume aq..haha

haaaa..sjak2 raya xckup org ni..nk beli baju raya pon xda mood..so,pakai jubah ja laa..

ni pon mmber bagi,dia beli masa kat TANAH SUCI MEKAH.

 

Bonda tersayang...ni ja yg aq ada..moga ALLAH panjangkan umoq mak aq..

Kakak nom 7..yg ni senior aq kat UniMAP..

Abg sulung aq..ramai ckp muka dia mcm Hans Isaac..wakaka..

gambaq aq ngn abg sulung aq ni hilang pulak..haishh

Masjid Jamek Seberang Jaya..berwajah baru..masjid ni la dari kecik sampai besaq aq dok pi..

makin lawa,ada air cond siap..

ni wajah lama masjid ni..haaa..mana style g?

   

Salam dgn mak tersayang paaluuu...

    

Ni ja laa family yg tnggai masa Raya 1st..

family kak sulung n family kak no 3 xda..

Dari kiri : Abg no 6,Abg no 5,mak,aq laaa,kak no 7..

Dari kiri : Aq.Abg no 6,Abg ipaq dgn anak dia,mak,kak no 2,abg no 5,kak no 7..

Family belah arwah bapak aq...set2 JAWA neyh..

Gambaq raya taon ni..simple..-_-

 

Ni aq selit sikit gambaq buddies..kami knai dari skolah teknik..

tapi kami rapat sampai la..sbb kami susah snang sama2 masa SPM dlu..

Kami beriftar di SEOUL GARDEN,AUTO-CITY..

Bnyak jgak r menu dia,,mcm2 ada..puas aty makan..RM35/kepala kot..haaha..

jgn lupa bawak student card..

 

Amirudin dgn Gob a.k.a budak 4flat..

yg ni dia makan sorg ja,aq xguna rebus2,aq mkan bakaq ja..kehkhekh

OK...siap upload pa smua..

tnggu nk upload cuti2 malaysia pulak by LONE RANGER..

haha..

komen la sikit kalaw rajin..

aq dok merapu ja,xtaw nak buat apa..

haiiishhh

ASSALAMUALAIKUM..

Pantai Kerachut

Assalamualaikum...

lama tak crita kat depan PC ni,

ada masalah internet kat block B14 ni,

depan kuboq kan,line xbrapa nk clear..haha

crita ni dah lama,tapi gambaq pa smua baru siap upload ptang ni..haha

law nk ikotkan,bnyak gila gmbaq..

tapi mana boleh crita 100% kat org...

secret r..haha

crita ni brmula pada hari Jumaat,7/3/2014..

Skuad Jiran dah buat prsiapan utk bercuti 2hari 1mlm kat penang..

hari jumaat tu la kami p beli ayam,sosej n rempah ratus mak nenek pa smua..

peram sempoi2 siap2..

sbb esok pagi nak brtolak dah..

cehh..'kami' konon..aq xbuat pon..haha

ya laa..aq xterer,,satg jadi apa plak ayam tu..wakakaka

mcm biasa..aq ni mlas nk type bnyak2..

aq ska share gambaq ja..

mai la scroll kat bwah ni..

tngok sndri gmbaq aq ngn 'family' aq ni..

kami semakin rapat dan rapat sbb dah 2tahun susah senang sama2..

ni la kelebihan PALAPES..

'

SABTU PAGI...MULA MENGATUR PERJALANAN KE PENANG..

lepak kat RnR Sngai 2 dlu,solat subuh pa smua..

ada yg 1st time nek feri..haha..jersi nom 39 tu paling style..wakakka

SELAMAT SAMPAI

LOKASI : PANTAI KERACHUT,PENANG

da puas tngkap gambaq..aktiviti mara pon bermula..haha

baru ja lepas pintu gerbang,dah pose lagi..ohho

rehat dlu..tnggu geng2 bawak ayam..kesian depa,,haha

geng2 anak dara mengulat..ptot la lmbat smpai,,dok pose..

abg sado (hadi)..lani makin kerap g gym..nanti jgn terkejut tngok bicep dy..haha

ni tnggu geng ayam lagi..dok mngorat awex USM plak..haha

lepas redah hutan,daki gunung,akhirnya sampai jgak kat pantai ni..

engt senang nk sampai..law fitness xckup,naik boat ja la g..haha

Pemandangan Tepi Pantai Kerachut

geng USM mai nk buat kajian apa xtaw..

ni dah waktu senja da..xbest sngt mandi kat cni..lagipon bahaya..BAHAYA..paham..

my housemate..yg belakang tu,xpasti la buat apa..hahah

MALAM DATANG MENJELMA

AKTIVITI : BBQ, MEN GITAR & TIDOQ

aktiviti hidupkan api brmula..

geng kayu api..haha

dari kiri : mek syu,tikakaka,asmat,wana,paksu,perak,aq,katijah..

geng makan time masak..haha

semua pakat ttup mata,buat2 tdoq plak..haha

cicak kenyang dah makan,baru buat2 plawa org..wakakak

ni sorg lagi abg sado dalam Skuad J ni..

bicep dy besaq paha aq..haha

ESOK PAGI

AKTIVITI : MEN GITAR & MANCING

kuman kup kup...paling pro men gitar..

abg sado sorg lagi..adzdzin..pro mancing..

ni gmbaq dari tempat lepak gadis J..depa persiang ikan.haha

mek syu ngah pikiaq boyfren dah 2 hari xmsj,sbb xda line..haha

tikakaka n wana..bngun awai dah..bagoih budak2 ni..haha

haaa..geng ni lagi bngun awai..

ni lah tempat bermalam aq dgn fizi..best terok..sejuk..tdoq tepi pantai..sempoi abeh..

pemandangan dari pondok terapung..boleh tahan la..

NAK BALIK DAH...

nak balik dah mlas jalan,,so sewa bot je lah..haha

yg tngah2 tu bini org,jgn wat main..haa

akhirnya..slamat smpai kat jeti..haha

gambaq last kat sini..kenangan utk kamimasa tua nanti..hahaa

BATU FERRINGHI

lepak sini dlu sblum balik..nk bawak kwn2 yg dari ngeri len merasa..

aq ni org penang pon jarang dtang pulau ni..jrang mai batu ferringhi..

aiman,tikakaka,edy,aq..

gadis2 mncuci mata tepi pantai..

Pemandangan Tepi Pantai Batu ferringhi plak..

banana boat dlu..masa ni tikakaka tarik aq,nasib bek ada live jacket,aq xlemas..law x,xtaw la..aishh

budak buas naik,,abeh terbalik 3,4 kali..abg tu stress..hahaha

selesai berbanana..perot paksu pon elang..haha

aq dgn roomate aq,eddy..berkomando rest dlm pasir..wakaka

NASI KANDAQ LINE CLEAR

PERANGIN MALL & KOMTAR

BUKIT BENDERA

BERDIRI : acap,aq,mek syu,wana,jaha,tikaka,edy,kak long,asmat,apex

DUDUK : aiman,perak,cicak,peja

spiderman buat show..hahaa

Sekian saja crita aq..

crita ni aq buat utk knangan masa hadapan aq nanti..

law xska,boleh sembang leklok..

law meluat,xpyah tngok.haha

minx maaf la andai terkasar bahasa..

#credit to : geng J,PALAPES SCORPION..